I have been
observing how unhappy some people are in their various relationship, and I feel
the need to talk about this matter in a manner that is unexpected to me. I will
be writing on the 7 ways that you can know that you are in an unhealthy
relationship. This is my perspective judging from my observation.
In many
holy books, such as the Bible and the Koran, it was mentioned that a divine
being – God – made a man who lived a lonely life. God saw his predication and
know that he need a companion, a relationship, so, He made a woman. This is the
beginning of any relationship that have ever existed on earth. This action by
the Divine Being is to show you how relationship is to our lives as individuals.
Today, many
relationships have hit the rock, many about to. Study has shown that the rate
of divorce in every society is increasing geometrically. For every marriage, on
average, there is 70% chance that it will not last till the next 10 years. The
question is: what is the problem? What caused all this chaos? Who do we blame?
How do we remedy or mitigate this menace?
I am not
going to answer all this question with a single article, but, I will discuss
ways you would know that you relationship is unhealthy. You have to have a good
knowledge of the status of your relationship before talking about solution if
there is any problem within.
This is the
signs that indicate that your relationship is not healthy:
When you take each other for granted:
When there
is no respect in any relationship is very serious indication that the
relationship need healing – it is not healthy at all. Couple or partners should
respect each other in everything. Each person’s opinion should be respected
because I believe the fact that every person’s opinion is as important as the
other. When a man continuously demand respect from his spouse or partner with no
reciprocation, it is very inappropriate. Respect is reciprocal. This is what
caused chaos in many relationship, making couple or partners to take each other
for granted.
I strong
believe that one should treat another the way he wants to be treated. If this
is done and observed in relationships, many failing relationship will be saved.
When secrecy presides:
Keeping
secret to you partner doesn’t help relationship. When couple began to keep
secret from themselves that signifies lack of trust. Suspicion will be given a
room in the relationship and that is very unhealthy for people involved. To make
relationship healthy, couple must learn to trust each. When trust is establish
in the relationship, there won’t be any need to keep certain matter from each
other.
It is very
imperative we understand that communication is an essential key in building a
good and healthy relationship; be it friendship, courtship, marriage, etc. so
when you find out that the relationship is not free secrecy, then something
need to be done because soon. If care is not taken, separation will result.
Stinginess:
Give and it
shall be given unto you. Sharing is the key in building a lasting relationship.
I have seen a situation where, in a relationship, things don’t work out for the
couple because of how stingy the man is. After my investigation on why a man
would not be able and willing to share his resources with his partner, I
discovered that the man is just trying to retaliate. According to him, the
partner is too stingy to receive anything from him. Now tell me: how can such
relationship stand the test of time?
We need to
understand this: you can’t teach a person to give by withholding from giving
him or her. By so doing, you are fueling the unpleasant situation and worsen
matters. The key is to teach her not to be stingy by giving and sharing. If
such behaviour persist, through communication, find out why she behaves in such
matter. That alone can solve a lot of problems and heal many relationship.
Hence, when you see that stinginess in existent in your relationship, the
relationship is very much unhealthy and something need to be done before it
breaks.
Nagging:
Women are
fond of engaging in this obnoxious behaviour. Well, not all women per say. But
this unhealthy attitude pertain more to women than men. One thing people don’t
understand is that nagging doesn’t increase the chance of you partner hearing
you. It pisses him off. Most men can’t bear that. The funny thing is that it
doesn’t even solve the problem, but, worsen it.
There are
better solution, if you think your partners behaviour is inappropriate, than engaging
in incessant nagging. You won’t be heard by so doing. So quite doing that and
engage you partner in dialogue. Discuss the things you are not happy about and
see the ways you can improve on yourself and also your partner’s life.
You know,
it is easier to complain about someone else character than see need to change, if
such behaviour is prompted by our attitude toward them. You need to check
yourself first – examine yourself and attitude – before you begin nagging.
Nagging is a huge sign that your relation is far from being healthy. If you are
the one involved in this behaviour, you need to quit now and restore your
relationship back to life.
No companionship:
As I
pointed out earlier, the essence of any relationship is companionship. If this
is gone, the core value of being in a relationship is defeated. I believe that
lack of communication is what caused couples to drift away from each other and
that, is unhealthy for folks involved.
I remember
a friend of mine who keep complaining to me about the difficulty he is passing
through with his girlfriend. I asked him what the problem was, only to discover
how the lady doesn’t want to see him again. Not that she wants to break the
relationship. No! But, maybe she wanted some distance from the guy. Well, I
have to offer my candid advice like I used to. I told him to try apologise to
the lady, first, to get her attention. Then, he can find out what the problem
was.
You see, if
a man cannot say “am sorry” to his woman, no matter who is at fault. That is
the beginning of an infinite problem. Every man should learn to do that. Ladies
love it. That was exactly what my friend did and got the attention of the girl
who doesn’t want to see him. Later, he discovered that the girl was very
furious at him for a behaviour he refuse the drop. She has been complaining
about this behaviour and the man keep promising to break it without doing so.
You see!
That is how communication can heal relationship and bring back companionship in
it. That is where the happiness lies. Hence, when your notice this sign – lack
of companionship – in your relationship, know that health is gone from that
relationship and you need to fix it.
No love:
I keep
wondering why some people will be in the relationship that is loveless. Well,
every relationship starts when two people confess love for themselves. But,
along the way, it seems that the love is gone. Why is that so?
We really
need to distinguish love from lust and infatuation. The main reason why many
relationship fail, including marriages, is the lack of strong foundation. When house
is not build on a solution rock – a good foundation – it cannot stand the test
of time. When difficulty emerge and trials, the relationship will disintegrate.
Why is that so? It simple – it wasn’t built on love.
Before
saying ‘yes’ to any relationship, you should make sure you truly love the
person in question, not just attracted. Knowing that ‘no one is perfect’ will
do a lot of good to so many relationship. The truth is that so many just found
themselves in relationships that lack love in it. If yours is like that and you
still don’t want to give up on the relationship. There is a solution.
One thing I
believe is that love is universal, meaning that you can love anyone. It is not
something that you are programmed to do. Loving people is a choice. You choose
whether to love or not to love. So the solution is that you learn to love your
partner despite their flaws. This, I believe, will heal many unhealthy
relationships.
No caring and affection:
The last I
want to dwell on is the issue of expressing care and showing affection to your
partner. When this is missing, it is a sign that your relationship is very
unhealthy and if care is not taken it will soon hit the rock. Caring for one
another is what convince each person of the commitment the partner has on the
relationship. That alone can strengthen any relationship.
It is true,
sometimes, partners fail in one way or the other, but learning to forgive and
to let go can do real good to your relationship. Restoring caring and
explicitly expressing your affection for each can heal any wounded
relationship.
I believe
these will help many couples restore joy in their relationships. If you have
any question or problem, do not hesitate to ask me using the comment box.
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this article. Sharing is caring!
Nice work bro, keep it up.
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