The Journey to Self-Improvement: A Personal Development Weblog

Jan 8, 2016

7 Ways to Know that you are in an Unhealthy Relationship.

I have been observing how unhappy some people are in their various relationship, and I feel the need to talk about this matter in a manner that is unexpected to me. I will be writing on the 7 ways that you can know that you are in an unhealthy relationship. This is my perspective judging from my observation.


In many holy books, such as the Bible and the Koran, it was mentioned that a divine being – God – made a man who lived a lonely life. God saw his predication and know that he need a companion, a relationship, so, He made a woman. This is the beginning of any relationship that have ever existed on earth. This action by the Divine Being is to show you how relationship is to our lives as individuals.


Today, many relationships have hit the rock, many about to. Study has shown that the rate of divorce in every society is increasing geometrically. For every marriage, on average, there is 70% chance that it will not last till the next 10 years. The question is: what is the problem? What caused all this chaos? Who do we blame? How do we remedy or mitigate this menace? 


I am not going to answer all this question with a single article, but, I will discuss ways you would know that you relationship is unhealthy. You have to have a good knowledge of the status of your relationship before talking about solution if there is any problem within.


This is the signs that indicate that your relationship is not healthy:


When you take each other for granted:

When there is no respect in any relationship is very serious indication that the relationship need healing – it is not healthy at all. Couple or partners should respect each other in everything. Each person’s opinion should be respected because I believe the fact that every person’s opinion is as important as the other. When a man continuously demand respect from his spouse or partner with no reciprocation, it is very inappropriate. Respect is reciprocal. This is what caused chaos in many relationship, making couple or partners to take each other for granted.


I strong believe that one should treat another the way he wants to be treated. If this is done and observed in relationships, many failing relationship will be saved.


When secrecy presides:

Keeping secret to you partner doesn’t help relationship. When couple began to keep secret from themselves that signifies lack of trust. Suspicion will be given a room in the relationship and that is very unhealthy for people involved. To make relationship healthy, couple must learn to trust each. When trust is establish in the relationship, there won’t be any need to keep certain matter from each other.


It is very imperative we understand that communication is an essential key in building a good and healthy relationship; be it friendship, courtship, marriage, etc. so when you find out that the relationship is not free secrecy, then something need to be done because soon. If care is not taken, separation will result.


Stinginess:

Give and it shall be given unto you. Sharing is the key in building a lasting relationship. I have seen a situation where, in a relationship, things don’t work out for the couple because of how stingy the man is. After my investigation on why a man would not be able and willing to share his resources with his partner, I discovered that the man is just trying to retaliate. According to him, the partner is too stingy to receive anything from him. Now tell me: how can such relationship stand the test of time?



We need to understand this: you can’t teach a person to give by withholding from giving him or her. By so doing, you are fueling the unpleasant situation and worsen matters. The key is to teach her not to be stingy by giving and sharing. If such behaviour persist, through communication, find out why she behaves in such matter. That alone can solve a lot of problems and heal many relationship. Hence, when you see that stinginess in existent in your relationship, the relationship is very much unhealthy and something need to be done before it breaks.


Nagging:

Women are fond of engaging in this obnoxious behaviour. Well, not all women per say. But this unhealthy attitude pertain more to women than men. One thing people don’t understand is that nagging doesn’t increase the chance of you partner hearing you. It pisses him off. Most men can’t bear that. The funny thing is that it doesn’t even solve the problem, but, worsen it.
There are better solution, if you think your partners behaviour is inappropriate, than engaging in incessant nagging. You won’t be heard by so doing. So quite doing that and engage you partner in dialogue. Discuss the things you are not happy about and see the ways you can improve on yourself and also your partner’s life.


You know, it is easier to complain about someone else character than see need to change, if such behaviour is prompted by our attitude toward them. You need to check yourself first – examine yourself and attitude – before you begin nagging. Nagging is a huge sign that your relation is far from being healthy. If you are the one involved in this behaviour, you need to quit now and restore your relationship back to life.


No companionship:

As I pointed out earlier, the essence of any relationship is companionship. If this is gone, the core value of being in a relationship is defeated. I believe that lack of communication is what caused couples to drift away from each other and that, is unhealthy for folks involved.


I remember a friend of mine who keep complaining to me about the difficulty he is passing through with his girlfriend. I asked him what the problem was, only to discover how the lady doesn’t want to see him again. Not that she wants to break the relationship. No! But, maybe she wanted some distance from the guy. Well, I have to offer my candid advice like I used to. I told him to try apologise to the lady, first, to get her attention. Then, he can find out what the problem was.


You see, if a man cannot say “am sorry” to his woman, no matter who is at fault. That is the beginning of an infinite problem. Every man should learn to do that. Ladies love it. That was exactly what my friend did and got the attention of the girl who doesn’t want to see him. Later, he discovered that the girl was very furious at him for a behaviour he refuse the drop. She has been complaining about this behaviour and the man keep promising to break it without doing so.
You see! That is how communication can heal relationship and bring back companionship in it. That is where the happiness lies. Hence, when your notice this sign – lack of companionship – in your relationship, know that health is gone from that relationship and you need to fix it.


No love:

I keep wondering why some people will be in the relationship that is loveless. Well, every relationship starts when two people confess love for themselves. But, along the way, it seems that the love is gone. Why is that so?


We really need to distinguish love from lust and infatuation. The main reason why many relationship fail, including marriages, is the lack of strong foundation. When house is not build on a solution rock – a good foundation – it cannot stand the test of time. When difficulty emerge and trials, the relationship will disintegrate. Why is that so? It simple – it wasn’t built on love.


Before saying ‘yes’ to any relationship, you should make sure you truly love the person in question, not just attracted. Knowing that ‘no one is perfect’ will do a lot of good to so many relationship. The truth is that so many just found themselves in relationships that lack love in it. If yours is like that and you still don’t want to give up on the relationship. There is a solution.


One thing I believe is that love is universal, meaning that you can love anyone. It is not something that you are programmed to do. Loving people is a choice. You choose whether to love or not to love. So the solution is that you learn to love your partner despite their flaws. This, I believe, will heal many unhealthy relationships.


No caring and affection:

The last I want to dwell on is the issue of expressing care and showing affection to your partner. When this is missing, it is a sign that your relationship is very unhealthy and if care is not taken it will soon hit the rock. Caring for one another is what convince each person of the commitment the partner has on the relationship. That alone can strengthen any relationship.


It is true, sometimes, partners fail in one way or the other, but learning to forgive and to let go can do real good to your relationship. Restoring caring and explicitly expressing your affection for each can heal any wounded relationship.


I believe these will help many couples restore joy in their relationships. If you have any question or problem, do not hesitate to ask me using the comment box.


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2 comments:

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